An olive branch

Why should I let my petty indifference to other people's emotions and sensibilities cloud my own reasoning in terms of writing what I believe? Why should I continue to mercilessly shred the psychosomatic disinformation machine that persists in spite of the mind's inherant desire to shut down and ignore? Why should I ignite hatred and spite where once it only sparked like a broken Zippo? Why should I continue to write words that serve no ultimate purpose and matter only to those who already know the truth they impart?

Because I care.

I am so full of love and devotion for my fellow human beings that I would be doing them and myself a disservice by not tapping away at the black plastic board that has seemingly become the Danny Glover to my Mel Gibson.

They say we can't change the way a human being thinks. I say they're wrong. My words move people to anger. I changed the way they felt. See?

Most people react to their environment. They wait for things to happen and then they respond accordingly. These people are lost. They need help.

A few people dictate the environment around them. They create love or pain or chaos or serenity. These people are leaders. They need to help.

Our culture is no longer drifting into oblivion; it is in a full-blown freefall.

The answer is anger. Full-blown anger.

Tell someone exactly what you think of them. They will hate you because you will be the mirror they refuse to look into when they're home alone.

What is safety? Can we be safe? Isn't it just an illusion?

What is money? What is love? What is pain? What is meaning? What is indifference? Do you even care?

Ask them these questions. Hell, ask yourself these questions. Do it because you care. Do it because it's right.

Why capitalism will ultimately fail

I want you to close your eyes. Now, take a minute and consider this: does an enlightened society really want money to be the axis around which all else spins?

Some would argue it should probably be God, but western ideals have put such a high price on money (pardon the pun) that the two are inseparable. As George Carlin once said, "God is all-knowing and all-powerful but He needs your money! He's really bad with money!"

I think the following is a prime example of what happens when society places more importance on material wealth than spiritual wealth.

Sought: Wal-Mart shoppers who trampled NY worker
By COLLEEN LONG, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK – Police were reviewing video from surveillance cameras in an attempt to identify who trampled to death a Wal-Mart worker after a crowd of post-Thanksgiving shoppers burst through the doors at a suburban store and knocked him down.

Criminal charges were possible, but identifying individual shoppers in Friday's video may prove difficult, said Detective Lt. Michael Fleming, a Nassau County police spokesman.

Other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man, and customers stepped over him and became irate when officials said the store was closing because of the death, police and witnesses said.

At least four other people, including a woman who was eight months pregnant, were taken to hospitals for observation or minor injuries. The store in Valley Stream on Long Island closed for several hours before reopening.

Police said about 2,000 people were gathered outside the Wal-Mart doors before its 5 a.m. opening at a mall about 20 miles east of Manhattan. The impatient crowd knocked the employee, identified by police as Jdimytai Damour, to the ground as he opened the doors, leaving a metal portion of the frame crumpled like an accordion.

"This crowd was out of control," Fleming said. He described the scene as "utter chaos," and said the store didn't have enough security.

Dozens of store employees trying to fight their way out to help Damour were also getting trampled by the crowd, Fleming said. Shoppers stepped over the man on the ground and streamed into the store.

So, this is what it has come to. I just have to wonder whether or not people even realize the reason we celebrate Christmas anymore. Big hint: it's in the first six letters of the word.

You know, you really have to question the mental acuity of a God who created people this unbelievably stupid. Fuck it, I'm gonna say what we're all thinking ... God seems like He might be a little dumber than people give Him credit for.

Whew! Is it getting hot in here?

What's the answer, then? What should society hold most sacred? If not money, perhaps family? Perhaps peace and love? Maybe tolerance for people who are too stupid to hit the mute button during commercials?

Come on, you know who I mean. The people who are watching TV and exclaim when the caveman appears," Oh! I love this one! Too funny!"

Ugh.

You know things have gotten weird when you have a non-Christian saying, "Let's put the Christ back in Christmas." I mean it, pull that fucker off the cross and stick him back in the manger where He belongs. Like Elvis, I prefer the young and skinny one over the old, fat and crucified one.

Bottom line (the bottom line writing device is a trademark of Alexander Ameen and cannot be used without express written consent from Alexander Ameen or his team of Jewish lawyers who will inexcusably erect a Christmas tree in their office to make their Christian clients feel more at home) : if you're camping in front of a Wal-mart overnight so you can be the first to buy a $400 flat-screen TV, you are a GIGANTIC FUCKING LOSER!!!!!!!!!! You are the reason I hate leaving the house. I have to encounter you somewhere out there in the real world and try not to turn your face into jelly.

I would admonish you to get a life but, seriously, we're way past that, aren't we? Do me a favor though, would ya? Next year, instead of going to Wal-mart to spend your "hard earned" money, just go to church. First Presbyterian could really use a new nativity scene.

How to argue with a conservative and win

Being in the Navy, I'm completely surrounded by folks who grip tightly to their right-wing beliefs. And that's fine. I actually subscribe to a few "Republican" policies myself, so I think everyone should be free to believe what they want to believe.

But for the love of an upside-down crucified Peter, these fuckers love to argue. They listen to Rush and Bill and gather all of their lil' talking points and just wait for someone to disagree with them. They are like tigers stalking the plains of the Serengeti: ruthless, calculating, and very fuzzy.

Be not afraid, my dear friends. These people can be defeated. Just follow my patented formula for success and watch them squirm with discomfort.

Rule #1.
Almost all conservatives you will encounter in the real world are Christian. Use this knowledge to your advantage.

I'm not saying that Christians are wrong about what they believe, just that you should point out to them the things that are wrong with what they believe.

Example: Joe the plumber thinks a vote for Obama may be a vote in favor of the death of Israel. But Joe the plumber is a Christian! Do you know what Christians believe will happen to Jews when Christ returns to Earth? You should find out and then ask your fellow conservative why he hates Jews so much. Remind him that Jesus was a Jew. Then ask him why he hates Christ. That will keep him away. Great job!

Rule #2.
Conservatives will almost always be less educated than you. But occasionally, you will come across an extremely well-educated conservative (that's what she said). When this happens, proceed with caution. This person will have already thought of your counter-arguments to their talking points and will attempt to bait you into a protracted discussion about the differences between abortion and the death penalty.

Do not give them what they want! They will refuse to lose to you, you elitist prick!

Let them talk until they're blue in the face. Do not feed the baby bird. Wait for them to turn the debate back to you (they eventually will), then lay this unfettered gem upon their angry lil' head:
"I didn't realize you subscribed to the teachings of Leo Strauss and post-World War II neoconservativism. I've think his 'perpetual deception' argument is outdated and actually being misinterpreted by the current administration, at least in regard to preventing exposure to the absence of absolute truth. National destiny or not, the Republicans have certainly taken a page from the Machiavellian textbook on foreign policy; namely, the creation of an artificial external threat.

"What do you think?"

If they actually attempt to answer this question, just smile and pat them on the back. Tell them Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz would be proud and give them a big ol' condescending wink, Sarah Palin style.

BTW, the only thing you need to know about Leo Strauss is that he was a raging asshole.

Rule #3.
Just let them win. After all, they should be allowed to win something this year. Snap!

Leo Strauss as a young man. He believed that government should use religion for the stability of society, even though the "wise man" had transcended such "noble lies." What an asshole!

What is freedom? (A short piece in which our ambitious author attempts to answer a question that exists far outside of his intellectual capacity)

"The evolution of the western mind is one of creeping abstraction - a turning away from the natural world."

It's tough to argue with that. I was perplexed earlier today as I watched a friend sitting at his computer, sweeping a piece of plastic across the table and ever-so-subtly removing himself from the group meta-psyche.

Sad.

In that moment, he was no more alive than the machine to which he was attached. His eyes were foggy and his skin was mayonnaise. He hadn't ceased to exist, mind you. He had merely ceased to matter.

What's the difference, anyhow? Consider this a challenge.

Freedom is not intangible. It is not without meaning and purpose. It is a very real, very important and very sacred gift from our creator. I know I'm free because I'm free to know I'm free. I know I matter because I flex my head muscle and Jiminy Cricket sings a song in my lil' head about how I'm not some stupid puppet.

I know what I should be doing. Why am I not doing it? I know what I am supposed to do. Why do I refuse to do it?

The mind of a man living in our times is filled with nonsense. Lame-ass Geico commercials, stupid music that really sucks, stupid shit that Dr. Phil spews in an attempt to make even more money than he already has.

Do these examples of excess represent freedom? Is this what John Locke had in mind (pardon the pun) when he developed his tabula rasa philosophy?

We are becoming insignificant and I just hate it with all of my heart. It just feels wrong.

I know what I should be doing. Why am I not doing it?

This GWOT feels wrong to me. Doesn't it feel wrong to you? Do you really stop terror with brute force?

How do you convince people they have every right to be as free as you are?

Maybe they can see more clearly than us that we're not really free. Maybe they can see the machine and hear the shitty music and feel the sticky mayonnaise skin and they just don't want it because it's not real.

We have to abandon our outdated, uninspired and simplistic notions of freedom. We have to overcome our abuse of the freedom from want. We have to show the uneducated, the impoverished, the ignorant and the evil that we are fit to be the leaders of men.

We all know what we should be doing. Fuck it, let's go change the world.

Please allow me to spread the truth

The other day someone says to me, "No way I vote for Obama because he is definitely going to raise taxes." Huh. Interesting.

I respond: "Well, he does want to raise taxes on people who make more than $250,000 a year, but us little guys will be fine."

They get furious. "BULLSHIT!!! He is going to tax the shit out of everyone because that's what he is - a tax and spend liberal!"

And that's when I just walk away. Because how can you argue against someone like that? Here's the thing: the American government has grown more under President Bush than any other president in history. It has gotten bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. A Republican did that!

Here's another thing ... Douglas Holtz-Eakin, John McCain's chief economic advisor, admits that McCain WILL HAVE to raise taxes if elected. Holy shit!! Why isn't McCain telling the truth about this, you ask?

"It's the brand ... and you don't dilute the brand," Holtz-Eakin said, referring to the antiquated belief that conservatives are for less taxes and more Jesus Christ all up in my grill.

Does any of this matter, however? I think is does. When Joe Biden said, albeit stupidly, that paying taxes is patriotic, I truly believe he was onto something. Now, our forefathers would undoubtedly be turning in their graves if they knew the burden most Americans carry when it comes to funding our government. But like it or not, there are certain fundamental services which the government provides that are simply not going to go away.

One that immediately springs to mind is a badass military. We have to have one of those, right? How else can we be expected to continue killing brown people? Seriously, those fuckers had it coming.

Infrastructure is another "necessary evil" the American people must deal with.

There are other pesky lil' things, too. Adoption Assistance, Adoption Tax Credit, Child Care, Child Care Tax Credit, Child Support Enforcement, Children's Health Insurance, College Student Loans and Grants, Crop and Livestock Insurance, Disability Resources, Disaster Assistance for Victims, Dislocated and Laid-Off Worker Assistance, Earned Income Tax Credit, Employment and Training Assistance, Farm Ownership and Operating Loans, Federal Retiree Benefits, Food Assistance – Child Nutrition; Food Distribution; Women, Infants, and Children, Food Stamp Program, Government Benefits (nice and vague!), Government Jobs (as is this), Government Online Services, Government Sales and Auctions, GovLoans.gov, Grants.gov – Find and Apply for Government Grants, Head Start Program, Home Mortgage and Housing Assistance, Home Rental Assistance, Human Trafficking – Assistance Available to Victims of Human Trafficking, Legal Assistance, Loans for Agriculture, Business, Disaster Relief, Education, Housing, and Veterans through GovLoans.gov, Low Income Home Energy (Heating and Cooling) Assistance, Medicaid, Medicare, Medicare Prescription Drug Plan, Mortgage Assistance Programs, Native American Benefits, Pension Insurance and Benefit Guaranties, Railroad Retirement, Disability, and Unemployment Benefits, Refugee Resettlement Programs, Renter's Assistance, Runaway Youth National Switchboard to Call for Help, Rural Assistance Center for Health and Human Services, School Lunch and Breakfast, Senior Citizen Community Service Employment Program, Small Business Financial Assistance, Social Security (kind of a big one), Student Financial Aid and Scholarships, Student Grants for Study Overseas, Student Loan Consolidation, Supplemental Security Income, Tax Counseling for the Elderly, Telephone Assistance Programs for Low-Income Households, Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (Welfare), Unemployment Insurance (fucking Socialists!), Vaccines for Children, Veterans' Benefits (fucking Socialists!), Weatherization Assistance, and Youth Education and Training Assistance.

Those were just the programs it took me 10 seconds to find on the interwebs.

The point is, we can't just keep asking China to pay for all of this nonsense. So, when Joe Biden said what he said, can you kind of see where he was coming from? No, you can't because you are completely close minded and that's why I want to quit.

Listen, knucklehead. I understand that NO ONE wants to have their taxes raised. It totally sucks. But we also cannot continue to carry the enormous deficit ($9,664,631,803,259.07 - I just pulled that number off the Treasury Dept. website) we have accumulated under our current president. Believe it or not, there will be dire consequences if we don't get rid off it.

Sometimes this country reminds me of the Trump Tower. When you walk into the lobby, you can tell right away that a whole lot of money was poured into it's construction, but it was spent on all the wrong things. Who needs gold leaf toilet seats?

That's called a non-sequitur. Clever, huh?

Let me bottom line this for you - there is no such thing as a tax and spend liberal. OK? There are only tax and spend politicians! It's their job. Here's another thing I heard that really bothered the shit out of me.

"I will definitely not vote for Obama because he's going to shrink the military."

Yeah, I'm in the military and guess what? Where I work, we have about 500 too many people. Go for it, you crazy Muslim bitch! Go for it!!!

Speaking of Barack HUSSEIN Obama's very clear Muslim beliefs, please click this link to see some truly ignorant stuff. Trust me, it is really great!

Why elitism is good

That's it, people. I've had just about enough.

"I'm not voting for Barack Obama and Joe Biden because they're elitists," says Joe Sixpack. "Give me the Navy veteran and the down home girl any day of the week."

Let me tell you about the Navy. I'm in the Navy. Do you want to know who the smartest person I've ever met in the Navy was? It's me, that's who. I'm the smartest person I've ever met in the Navy. Scared?

You should be. John McCain graduated sixth from the bottom of his class at the Naval Academy. Guess what? The Naval Academy ain't Yale, that's for fuckin' sure.

However, the Naval Academy also isn't the University of Idaho. That's the prestigious institution that Sarah Palin received her undergraduate degree in journalism from. A Bachelor's in journalism ... yeah, she really doesn't seem to know very much about journalism, does she?

I desperately wish I could tell you that this all surprises me, but it doesn't. Re-thug-licans revel in their "altruistic" agenda and over-the-top jingoism, masquerading as "small-town values," but the truth is, the only thing conservatives care about is maintaining the status quo. They want everything to stay the same.

I've always held firm to the belief that stagnation is death and change is the law of life. If it's true that humans are evolving (and we are; just look at how the average height of a person has increased over time), then we must allow our society to evolve as well.

Re-thug-licans don't like change because it offends their "small-town values" (read: Christian values). But it is my contention that God wants everything to change, because the universe is in a constant state of entropy and God created the universe. Therefore, Re-thug-licans hate God.

I'll say it again. Republicans, conservatives, whatever you want to call them, are against God. They hate God because they hate the things that are His will. Now how in the world could this possibly have happened?

It is my contention that God wants man to become as smart as he possibly can. I believe this is true because God gave me the capacity to think for myself. He gave me the ability to be a leader of men without having to resort to violence. All I need to be great is my razor-sharp wit and dizzying intellect. Snap!

So, if God wants us to be super-smart, then wouldn't it stand to follow that we should elect the smartest people available for the most important shit? The answer is: yes, Alex, it would.

John McCain is not stupid, but he isn't brilliant, either. Sarah Palin makes my balls hurt. I think that's God's way of telling me that although I might find her physically attractive I should under no circumstances fuck her.

Let me repeat that. God makes my balls hurt when I see Sarah Palin because He does not want me to fuck her.

You got it, God! Besides, I already have a beautiful wife who doesn't make my balls hurt. So there.

Let's wrap this up. When you say that you're against elitism, what you're really saying is that you're against God. Stop hating God. He made you. You should love Him and be grateful and do what He wants.

And He REALLY wants you to stop being a huge moron. Elitism.

Long live Budd Dwyer

Do you know who this guy is?

Meet Budd Dwyer, an American politician who committed suicide on live television back in 1987.

Get this: Dwyer was charged with accepting a bribe of $300,000 from a company that was bidding to calculate how to properly return money to state employees who overpaid Federal Insurance Contributions Act taxes.

He was offered a plea bargain but refused to accept. He was eventually found guilty and faced a prison sentence of 55 years and a $300,000 fine.

The day before he was to receive his sentence from the court, he called an impromptu press conference. Most folks thought he would be announcing his resignation.

Instead, he said a few words about how he was a "victim of political persecution." He handed out three envelopes to his three closest staffers. He then produced a large manila envelope and withdrew a .357 Magnum.

"Budd, don't do this! Budd, this is not right!"

"Please leave the room if this will offend you," Dwyer said.

A few people attempted to approach Dwyer.

"Don't; don't; don't," Dwyer said. "This could hurt someone."

And then he put the revolver into his mouth and pulled the trigger. Holy shit! In all, five TV cameras and countless still photographers captured the gruesome event.

Why does any of this matter, you ask?

Because ... well, just look at this!

Ewwwwwww.

Suicide is not the answer, kids.

UPDATE!!!

Click here to see the actual video clip of Budd killing himself. Needless to say, it is completely disturbing and pretty awesome.

This doesn't sound like change

Click here.

Comments like this are the final, desperate act of a woman whose fifteen minutes were up about twenty minutes ago.

How could anyone want to vote for this? Divisive, insulting, condescending and completely untrue ... Sarah Palin may be a woman, but more than that, she is a raging asshole.

Jesus Christ hates Proposition 8

Let me ask you a very serious question.

If you are a heterosexual and you are married and have a job and a couple of kids and a house with a white picket fence and so on and so on, etc. etc., then why in the world would you possibly care whether or not two old queens get married?

Really ... why the fuck do you care?

This kind of intolerance just makes me sick. How can gay marriage possibly affect you in any way, shape or form?

And don't you dare invoke religion. Don't even think about it. I went to church for many, many years and the only thing I remember about it is that Jesus Christ taught his disciples to be tolerant of others. I think that's right, isn't it?

For the record, I support gay marriage. I support gay marriage because I am capable of empathizing with a person who may encounter the following scenario:

• A man gets a phone call at work. His partner of 25 years has just been admitted to the hospital. He frantically rushes to the emergency room, only to be denied any of the visiting privileges a normal spouse would receive. His partner dies. He is not entitled to anything. The city, state and country he resides in refuse to acknowledge his relationship to the deceased.

Aren't we a little bit more enlightened than this? Does this fall in line with Christ's teachings of love, tolerance and forgiveness?

Do you really care whether or not a gay couple gets married? And if you do, do you think you could try and get a life in the not-to-distant future? Thanks.

Why the Republicans just conceded the election

I heard it put brilliantly last night by some idiot pundit on CNN. Why would you keep this lady away from the press? What are the Republicans afraid we'll discover?

Well, I think we just discovered what it was they were afraid we'd discover when we discovered it the other night. What a discovery!

I feel really bad saying anything negative about Sarah Palin because she's quite pretty and the right-wing is just in love with her. But that's just the thing: this is THE BEST THE REPUBLICANS COULD OFFER THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. Yikes.

I was going to post a transcript of her meandering response to Katie Couric's question about the proposed bailout, but after reading it I couldn't muster the strength to do it. Oh fuck it, yes I can.

"Ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up the economy– Oh, it’s got to be about job creation too," Palin said. "So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions."

HEALTH CARE REFORM? Thank God, I thought this whole bailout fiasco had something to do with sub-prime mortgages. Whew, what a relief!

My shoes hurt, too

As I watched the debate last night, I couldn't help feeling a little letdown.

Don't get me wrong, I thought both candidates did a wonderful job of looking "presidential." But unfortunately, neither one did a very good job of looking "bat shit insane."

Why can't we for once have a clinically insane viable presidential nominee? Especially when you consider how many other world leaders are, at the very least, a little nuts.

Why couldn't Obama just look deep into McCain's eyes and scream, "Your great-great-grandparents used to own black people, motherfucker! Don't tell me I don't understand anything!!!"

Why couldn't McCain just casually walk over to Obama and punch him right in the face, laughing the deep, hearty laugh of a septuagenarian who spent five years in a dark, dank cell sewing an American flag out of pocket lint?

Is it too much to ask for a little crazy around here?

An exercise in futility

I suspect no one will ever read this, let alone even find it. But if they (you) do, then let me say, "Welcome!"

It has always been my dream to be a big-time columnist; a beacon of hope and knowledge in a sea of mediocrity and idiotness. I love the notion that people could read my words - my humble little words - and actually shape their opinion around my ideas and observations.

Here's an example of what I mean: I think racists are just terrible!

Now, people would read this and think, Geez, he's really onto something there. Score one for this fella!

I digress.

I'm starting this page because, as I get older, I realize just how much I need to say to the world. I feel as though I have a voice inside of me screaming to get out and smack you right in the nuts and feed on the hearts of your children.

Yeah, my voice eats children's hearts.

I know this isn't much, but for the time being, it's all I got. My job prevents me from getting involved in the politcal process to the extent I desire, so this will have to suffice.

If you want to read some of my past blogs, check out www.myspace.com/tenaciousal