Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Fight the urge

"I will probably end up raping you, just so ya know ... "

I like crazy.
Not "hurt other people" crazy, just "not sure what this guy might do next" crazy. It seems to fall in line with the natural order of the universe.
Crazy reminds me about the important things: safety is an illusion, God is a dick, life has no ultimate meaning.
You know, the really important shit!
I think Klaus Kinski knew a secret that very few other people have ever figured out. I think he knew it and it slowly drove him mad. It was like a magnifying glass that could focus on the tiniest particle suspended in a deep freeze ... but the magnifying glass was also a mirror, a mirror into his own soul.
Sometimes I think I know the secret, too. But then I try to forget it, because I know that it can only be a delivery mechanism for something more profound. The same way a syringe delivers the heroin, and the syringe is a beautiful machine and the heroin is something else entirely. The heroin allows you to live on a different plane than the others, and it is at once terrible and terrific and terrifying.
I try to forget it. I try really hard.
I try to spend as little time in the mirror as possible. I shave using a mirror, but that's it. I turn my back to the mirror when I brush my teeth and when I floss. I had an experience with a mirror when I was 19 and then I decided that I was all set with the whole mirror business.
Crazy is something I can get on board with; it's a state-of-mind that seems to say, "Fuck being in a state-of-mind." So I like it.
Here's to never being predictable.

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