Saturday, November 7, 2009

72 virgins in heaven = tiny penis on Earth

The recent attack at Fort Hood is looking like another example of a religious extremist using his or her beliefs to carry out an unfathomable act of violence against innocent people.

Notice I didn't say "Muslim extremist." That's because ALL extremists are huge dicks.

Now, there can be little doubt that ye olde Muslim extremists are really setting the bar high in terms of "batshit insanity" and "super villainy" and maybe even "minion of evil." And the whole virgin in heaven thing is just so pathetic as to almost seem pitiful.

But alas, it is not. Hey, Muslim extremist! You want some pussy? Put down the bomb and try striking up a conversation, ya miserable douchebag!

"Hi, I'm Abdul. I like burning effigies and enriched plutonium. Can I put my tiny penis into your body?"

On second thought ...

It's just another example of a weak-minded individual buying into the antiquated notion that they will achieve eternal glory if only they carry out an imagined Act of God (or Allah). As if a nobody on Earth would be anything more than a GIANT nobody in heaven!

If heaven exists (big if), do you know how many people there are up there? Jesus Christ! Fun exercise: type "how many people are in heaven" into your favorite search engine and let the hilarity ensue! People actually try to answer!

Oh, people.

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