Well, I'm off the ship again. Yep, for the second time in two years, I'm on a limited duty status. Basically, I'm a broken old piece of shit who never should have been allowed to join the Navy in the first place.
But I'm in now so they gots to fix me and stuff.
The irony of it all is that the doctors tell me it's not because of anything I may have done to harm myself, i.e. smoking or drinking or (gasp!) drugs. Nope. These problems of mine would have turned up had I lived a completely normal and healthy life.
Which I did, of course. I mean, I never did anything unhealthy or illegal. I just want to make that crystal clear.
It's all beginning to make me question my place in this world and what might lie in store for us after we die. I know, I have plenty of time left before I take the big ol' dirt nap but health issues have a way of making me study my mortality.
For example, check this link out.
Is this guy completely off the deep end or what? I don't know; shit like this is so crazy that I almost feel compelled to believe it. This guy has GIGANTIC TITANIUM BALLS.
But if what this man claims is indeed true, what are the ramifications? What would happen to religion? Would people finally let go of their outdated beliefs that only drive wedges of intolerance between us (doubtful) or would they flock to churches, synagogues, temples and mosques in even greater numbers in a never-ending quest to get answers from an old book and an invisible dude in the sky who doesn't want you to worship other Gods because that would hurt His feelings (highly likely).
The notion of beings from another dimension who look exactly like us is so cool that I can hardly stand it!
Just think about what this revelation, if proven true, would do to the insane nationalistic tendencies human beings feel compelled to follow. Would it even matter anymore if you were from Iran or America? Wouldn't we all just be Earthlings?
I bet Mormons would have parties for fuckin' weeks.
I digress ...
As I get older, I feel more and more insignificant and I wonder if it's just me or if that's the way this crazy ride called life works.
This kind of thinking could only be possible from a spoiled white guy brought up in the Western World: a land of philosophers and philanderers and Philistines and fuckheads. And I'm the worst because I serve in a position that often times runs contrary to my beliefs. I'm a walking contradiction, an artist who sold out for an easy life.
Sure, that's where this all stems from, my desire to create art out of nothing. My desire to be a mini-deity. My desire to build and not destroy.
I hate looking in the mirror lately because my neck is old and fat. My eyes are droopy and my skin is oily and ragged. I'm having a hard time finding the beauty in my aged features and it kinda sucks.
The decay of age is the opposite of what I want and there it is.
I imagine I'll look back on this time in my life as a necessary evil; a rite of passage, as it were. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna take any of it for granted.