Five rules for commuting:
1. The left lane is for fast drivers. If you're driving the speed limit, move over into the right lane. If you don't, I will tailgate you at a dangerous proximity and honk my horn. I will do this because I hate you and wish you would stop impeding my journey to work, which I also hate.
2. Use a god damn turn signal. It's there so you can use it, so fucking use it! I cannot read your mind and I wouldn't want to if I could. You are dumb so it would be unpleasant.
3. Get off the phone. You are a pathetic little shit and if you died tomorrow no one would miss you. So guess what? That phone call can wait until you get home. Hang up, dicklicker!
4. Stop disciplining your children while your car is tearing down the interstate at 80 mph. If they can't behave, do what I did and give 'em away. Kids are resilient and they'll forgive you, eventually. In the meantime, eyes forward!
5. If you turn onto a busy highway directly in front of me, you had better step on that gas pedal. If you don't, I will change lanes within inches of your rear bumper, pass you, change lanes again to get in front of you, and then slam on the brakes. Basically, I will try to murder you because you are worthless and I'd be doing the world a big favor.
I know what you're thinking: "He's not talking to me."
Yeah, I am. I'm talking directly to you. Cut it out.
That is all.