Say what you mean!

In the spirit of Bill Maher's segment "New Rules," I'd like to point out an annoying speech pattern working its way into the American vernacular:

kinda (sometimes sorta)

That will be just about enough of that, thank you. We are living lives, people. Our lives are composed of many things. Those things are what they are.

They aren't kinda what they are. They aren't sorta what they are. They fucking are what they fucking are.

If you have to use kinda or sorta when you're having a conversation, you need to start reading a dictionary. Try keeping one by the toilet. You see, the beautiful thing abour our language is that many words comprise it (don't get me started on the proper way to use comprise). The reason for all of these words is they all have different meanings.

To simplify: if you say, "This chicken is, I don't know, kinda bland," you really mean, "This chicken is bad." Say what you mean! Grow a pair, damn it.

I believe this mindset - this inability to express one's opinion - is indicative of a society that has lost its focus. Folks are scared to say anything concrete. It's the pussy-fication of America.

"The movie was kinda long." No, the movie sucked.

"He's sorta opinionated." Actually, he's a raging asshole.

"She's kinda hot in a sorta cute way." She doesn't even have a good sense of humor! RUN!!!

Say what you mean.

Vanity Corner: What's Alex into this week?

I figured I should start doing a fairly-regular column here discussing what I'm enjoying at the moment.

Books: The Book of Lost Things
Music: Elvis Perkins in Dearland
Movies: The Thin Man
Web: whatsinthebox.nl
Porn: anything involving boobs

That's it.

Dead is Dead

I know, I know ... the smoke monster looked kinda cheesy flashing pictures of Ben's past in front of him like "This is Your Life" - island edition. But in hindsight I loved it. It was perfect because it proves something I've held to for some time now: TPTB don't take any of this too seriously. And thank God!

I think you can equate this to the new Star Wars movies. I'll admit, I actually enjoyed them, unlike most. But everyone can agree that they were missing the fun and frivolity of the original episodes. And they suffered as a result from choppy dialogue and lack of spontaneity from an otherwise talented group of actors.

I mean, just look how much fun Michael Emerson has on this show!



This guy's just chewing up the scenery and it is amazing for this aspiring actor to watch. Was ever a more enjoyable line of dialogue uttered than when a focused Ben, having recently spoken with a resurrected John Locke, asked the Ajira passengers if they needed help? Politely refusing his charity, Ben replies, "Have a nice day!" The unexpected enthusiasm with which Emerson delivers that line made me giddy. Yeah, I said giddy.

Moving on, I think "Dead is Dead" was a major stride forward in the overall stroy arc of the series. Ben's dead daughter Alex - looking pretty sexy for a corpse - admonished him to refrain from killing Locke AGAIN(!) because she knew he was considering it. This begs the question: will Ben be able to swallow his pride and follow Locke's every command? Even more, will Locke be a kinder, gentler leader than Ben and treat him with the respect he was never shown the first time around? I hope "yes", but I fear "no". Locke seemed pretty cocky about his newfound power and seemed to enjoy rubbing it in Ben's face. Can John Locke be the bigger man?




Other observations:

• I think there is little doubt the mythology of the show is mired in Egypt. Quick! Somebody decipher the heiroglyphics in the temple!
• The picture on the wall above Smokie's grate (home?) was of Anubis, the Egyptian god of the dead. Significance? It has been argued eloquently by many that the statue is also of Anubis.
• "What lies in the shadow of the statue?" My guess is Jughead. Maybe the Frozen Donkey Wheel?
• Is Ceaser really dead?

That's all I got. Long live Penelope Widmore.

Q and A: part the fourth

Part 4 in our attempt to better understand Alexander Ameen: sociopath, loner, creep. Read the following interview at your own risk.

Q. You have expressed concern recently that most of the people you surround yourself with are "all talk, no action." What do you mean by that?

A. I'm surrounded by a bunch of lazy fucks.

Q. Do you think your level of hostility is equal to their laziness?

A. No. I should be much angrier but I'm a pussy and a pushover who pretends to love confrontation but ultimately shrivels like a salted snail when faced with it in the real world (as opposed to the fake world). I have a hard time reconciling the fact that people who claim to want something don't just go out and get it. And I hope they don't plan on me getting it for them.

Q. Do you have any particular people in mind?

A. Yup. Your stupid faggot dad.

Q. My, my. That's just ... shame on you. Well, let's move on, please. Pres. Obama recently told a group of American service members that the time has come for Iraq to take care of itself. This statement was met with a rousing ovation.

A. You got a question somewhere in there?

Q. How do you think the new conservative golden boy Glenn Beck will spin this development?

A. I assume he will cry like a little bitch and create some kind of commission based on good ol' American values like:

1. Free porn for all!

2. If marriage truly is sacred, maybe we should outlaw divorce!

3. We should have more crazy fucks on TV!

4. Honesty! (Unless you're a member of the former Bush administration)

5. The Indians are a lost tribe of Jews and Jesus helped them plant corn and he went to other planets and all kinds of kooky shit! (Glenn Beck is a Mormon)

Ugh. Put on some temple garments.

Q. You got a problem with Glenn Beck?

A. Yes, I really, really do. Mr. Beck is that very worst kind of person: fear-mongerer. He makes a living praying on people's weaknesses and he exploits this power to fuel his gigantic ego. He is a worthless piece of shit and I would honestly kick him right in the shin if I ever met him. Fuck you, Glenn Beck.

Q. Anything else to add to today's discussion?

A. If you're reading this right now, thank you for indulging the ravings of a possibly misguided but definitely well-informed individual. Now do me a favor and go read a book! Educate yourself! I'm getting really sick of being surrounded by idiots.

Join us next time for part 5 of our 18-part interview. Until then, in the words of Mr. Ameen himself, "Pick your battles wisely.